10 things more dangerous than a swine flu!!!!!

Granted,it’ssomewhat tricky to be sentenced to death. But, with the worldwidedeathtoll for swine flu hovering around 50, it’s a helluva lot morelikelythat a judge is going to condemn you to a shocking doom than apig isgoing to kill you with germs that are 100% curable andpreventable. Inthe U.S. there have only been two deaths from swine fluwhile last yearthere were 36 deaths sanctioned by the state and nobodyfreaked the hellout then. Ironically, if you go to Mexico, they don’thave the deathpenalty. Then, maybe, you should start watching out fordubious oinkers!!!

Yeah,doctorskill about 200,000 people a year. Dude, I don’t know if Imentionedthis, but in the U.S., only two people have died from SwineFlu in 2009.That's even less than the number of people killed bysunlight every year!!!

Peanutsareso effing deadly it’s not even funny. Mr. Peanut is the monocledface ofyour doom and you don’t even know it. Peanut allergies affectabout 1.7%of the population and are suspected to be the most commontype offood-related death. This year (so far), three people have diedfrom justpeanut butter -- not even the nuts themselves. Even kissingsomebody whohas eaten peanuts can kill you !!!

Thesuiciderate in the United States isn’t remarkably high compared to theworldaverage, but it's much, much higher than the Swine Flu-icide ratewhichis statistically insignificant. Rather than not eating copiousamountsof pork product, you’re better off just going over to PostSecret andchilling out for a while !!!

Therearea lot of ways alcohol can kill you. There are so many ways thatwhen youadd them all together, you get about 100,000 deaths a year.That’s about50,000 times more dangerous than the swine flu, and I’mnot amathematician or anything, but that seems like a lot. You knowwhat therub is, though? When you’re super duper drunk, don’t you wantto justeat a whole garbage truck full of bacon

Vendingmachinesaccount for an average of two deaths every year in America.That’s thesame as swine flu so far, and that’s just the machinesthemselvesfalling over and crushing people. That statistic doesn’taccount for allthe deadly Fritos people are choking on every day !!!

It’sobvious,but it needs to be said. Auto-related deaths are so prevalentthatyou’re almost forgiven for thinking the swine flu is moredangerous andfreaking out about it. Motor vehicle crashes account foralmost 30,000deaths a year, and schools are being shut down because ofswine flu.They’re probably saving more lives by not letting kids geton the buses!!!

Statistically,you'remuch more likely to be gunned down, stabbed, or otherwisebrutallymurdered by your close friends and lovers than you are to diefrom swineflu. Granted, your friend may not seem like a homicidalmaniac, but atleast they probably don't seem like an oinker !!!

Theswineflu sounds terrifying because it sounds like something you getafterbeing pig-raped. However, it’s not nearly as dangerous oreasy-to-get asthe regular flu. In fact, the regular flu had killed“thousands” sinceJanuary of this year. Regular flu is mowing peopledown like a hero witha chainsaw in a field of zombies, and nobody isbatting an eye. It’sprobably because pig rape is, frankly, worse thandeath !!!

Itellyou what, man. 20,000 people die in the U.S. alone because of“sexualbehavior.” I mean, if you gotta choose a way to go, boning isn’ta badway. But the point is, if you’re going to be worried aboutdying,you’re better off trying not to fall of a building, crash yourcar, orbreak your wiener when you’re doing the do. However, if Dangeris yourmiddle name, perhaps you should just cook up a little breakfastmeat ona super-hot coed and hedonistically screw and eat your wayintooblivion !!!